During this time of year it's customary to set aside time to express our thoughts of gratitude and thankfulness. Although this Thanksgiving and holiday season looks different for me and my family, I have so much to be grateful for! As I reflect on my life, I’m so grateful that I have a loving father, brother and of course my three precious jewels. They are so loving and forgiving, just when I think I’ve messed up or that my decision to break our normal family dynamic may have traumatized them, they say “Thank you Mama” in the sweetest way that lets me know I’m doing something right. Every morning before leaving for school, we each take a day of the week to pray and they pray for our family, those who are sick and less fortunate. It is so heartwarming to know that Jesus lives in their hearts and that they are moved to pray for issues other than new clothes and video games. Also, in this time of thankfulness and reflection, I pay tribute to my mother, who is now in heaven.
Thanksgiving was her favorite and she made sure she pulled out all the stops for her family. I think she passed that on to me because I too like to be extra! Although there is great pain in my heart knowing she is no longer with us and that I can’t hear that contagious laugh anymore, I just reflect on the values she taught us. I’m so grateful the Lord gave her to us for as long as he did. Not everyone can testify to having a loving, warm, close relationship with their parents and I recognize that. I thank God for her life and who she was to our family and our community. I have also been blessed with a strong circle of friends; they are more like family to me. It is such a wonderful feeling to know that when I need to laugh, cry, get wise counsel or get an edit for a paper that’s due, every single one of them have come through when I needed it most. You all know who you are (I’m not calling names!)
Photo Credit: Priscilla Dupreez- Unsplash
With the way 2020 has gone it is so easy to say negative things or fall into that pit of despair, and wanting to hide until the clock strikes midnight on December 31st, but when I think about how blessed I am, all those negative thoughts leave me. I can counter every bad situation with something positive that has happened in place of it. I am also taking this time to be thankful for my newfound singleness. There was a time in my life when I considered being single as a bad thing, I thought of marriage as an upgrade in life. Though marriage is wonderful and I ultimately know that it's a purpose and position of mine to hold, it will be in God's timing. However, this season has also been a place of self-evaluation, what I have learned is the lack of confidence and comfort I have for myself in my singleness causes the spiral in my relationships. I was listening to the "Relationship Goals” series by Pastor Michael Todd, (If you haven’t listened go to YouTube) it’s a phenomenal teaching on how God designed singleness and marriage. God didn’t make marriage first he made singleness and if I never get comfortable with just me and God there’s no way on earth that me, God and a husband will work out. It sounds like a simple formula but for me this is extremely difficult, but I am grateful the Lord gave me this season of “Do-Over”. The Holy Spirit sent a word to me through my therapist that I’m not rejected, single does not mean undesirable or alone. I am precious in God’s eyes and I know he has someone very special just for me, but I must do the work this time, I cannot expect my future husband to love me in the way that I should be loving myself.
Photo Credit: Jakob Owens- Unspalsh
I plan to maximize every moment getting to know myself better, communing with God and being certain that I hear his voice and not confusing it with a smooth bass voice tossing compliments my way filling the holes of insecurity in my life instead of letting Jesus heal those wounds and past hurts. I’m grateful for grace and mercy, every day I mess it up, but I know without a shadow of a doubt that I am loved by my heavenly father. He knows what’s best for me, and even though I don’t know what lies ahead for me in full motion picture mode, I know that he does all things well. I’m thankful for a place of safety and refuge where I can heal, have continued support and finish my education so that I may fulfill my purpose to help and counsel those who need healing. This is my thankful space, my thankful season, just thankful Mi.
Photo Credit: Gianna Cerda from Cerdafied Creations