Here we are in a new year and a new month. I normally am so excited about the month of February! It’s love month, my birthday month and Black History Month. All these things have so much meaning to me. I am in great anticipation of what year 37 has in store for me but more in a reflective sense versus a celebratory one like I've had in the past. Reprogramming my brain to be solely dependent on God and enjoying time spent alone has been hard! For years spending time with someone else and sharing their oxygen was what I lived for. After 24 hours alone, quiet, idle time gave me great anxiety. I began to say to myself, “This is abnormal! Why do I hate being by myself so much?” In therapy, with the help of my counselor I discovered that there were some past hurts associated with rejection that was feeding the anxiety in my moments of solitude. I thought, “Hmmm, this is weird, because I love myself. My self-esteem was way better than it used to be.” I was so puzzled as to where these feelings of loneliness, inadequacy and insufficiency were coming from. Well, I did some digging in my counseling session and I found the weeds that were sprouting up.
This self-work is difficult, it takes consistency and being intentional, just the same as being in a relationship. Believing who God says I am and audibly speaking those things out loud to myself is challenging but oh so necessary. It is amazing the thoughts and ideas we believe about ourselves due to childhood traumas, past relationships, poor self-talk and just flat out ignorance. I’m so glad I have a loving Heavenly Father that thinks I am worthy, amazing, and the apple of his eye, and because of that I can find peace in that truth.
Photo Credit: Christopher Sardegna-Unsplash
I no longer have to fill a space with words or acceptance from another person, but I can speak virtue and positivity to myself. I very strongly believe that God has a spectacular husband waiting for me, but until he finds me, I stand firm in the fact that I don’t have to settle, in any area of my life. I am deserving of financial freedom, healthy friendships, family relationships, quality conversation (not just via text), a romantic courtship, my own home, achieved career goals and a peaceful life. I know that seeking the Kingdom of God first will allow all the above to be added unto me, amongst so much more.
Photo Credit: Chris Liu- Unsplash
So in the strenuous game of I love Mi, I love Mi not, I have decided to love Mi no matter what, FOR REAL! Cheers to year 37, I can’t wait to see what lies ahead. I’m so grateful to the fabulous public figure Melissa Fredericks or better known as Mrs. Kevonstage, for giving me so much inspiration! I have been following her for years but within the past year and I have fully grasped the concept that “I AM WORTHY, AS IS, WITHOUT CHANGE, WITHOUT EXCEPTION”.
I am SingleMi
Sweatshirt: www.mrskevonstage.com